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AWSC Mini-Nit: The Human OnStar

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By JAY SCHMIDT

I don’t know if I look like some sort of geography whiz kid – or just a trustworthy dude with a boatload of landmark-related info – but I am routinely asked by strangers to assist them with directions. On average, it happens about three times per week.

I always play the good citizen role and help out, but certain Jay-As-OnStar-App scenarios are mystifying and even irksome.

To wit:

Recently, a loaded Lexus SUV slowed down beside me while I was walking my dog. The passenger window slid down and a well-to-do-looking woman in the driver’s seat leaned over her embarrassed teenage daughter and asked where she could find “Marconi Boulevard”.

Turns out they were trying to find the police station – probably to pay a ticket. Lost and nowhere near Marconi, I gave them some proper direction and sent them on their way.

Then the annoyance rage started to kick in.

That Lexus SUV didn’t have a built-in navigation system? The brand-name suburban mom didn’t have the latest smartphone? The trendy teen daughter didn’t have an iPhone?

I find that all very hard to believe.

That that scenario leaves them unequipped – with not a single GPS navigation device between them?

And let’s pretend that they didn’t for a second. Then they definitely have a computer and the Internet back at their sweet McMansion. Google Maps. Bing Maps. Even…MapQuest (shudder).

Plug in the destination. Hit the print button. It’s still a simple, common practice.

Do you often drive in the general direction of places, unsure of where your destination is actually located? Just ambling around, wasting gas and pestering strangers for your precious directional information?

If so, then just keep on driving if you see me.

I’m currently experiencing a 404 Error and may not be able to give you proper coordinates.

The tech guys in my brain tell me that it may not be reprogrammable.


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  • by AWSC
  • posted at 1:22 pm
  • August 17, 2012

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